All of a sudden, Jannat, the Heaven, the Islamic perfumed garden, the ultimate goal of any believer of Allah, the abode of the jihadi shahids/martyrs was shut down indefinitely, due to heavy rush of fresh entrants, thus increasing its population much beyond its original capacity, designed around 1400 years ago!

So, as a pre-emptive measure, Allah had decreed the shutdown of Jannat - sine die, and closed its doors with an explosive tintinnabulation.

All currently booked fresh entrants just before the shutdown were now being accommodated in a new annexe, miles away from the present location.

The scenario on earth:

1. Advantages of being an Islamic Shahid or martyr

In fact, the jihadi mujahids -cum- the Shahids or martyrs also give up their precious lives as suicide squads exploding themselves against the targets of non-believers and apostates with bombs and though killing in the process, many unintended innocent passers-by. So what!! Have they not wrecked damage to their intended target > non-believers and apostates - as per Quranic command? These killers, sorry, these shahids/martyrs who laid down their lives are assured of a place in Jannat. That is the only criteria to be reckoned here. Who is worried about world’s opinion? After all everything is done in the name of Allah. That is enough.

2. Advantages of being a Muslim while being alive:

It is extremely natural for the jihadis to target the undefended civilians because it is the easiest and least risky. Moreover, amongst the unintended targets of civilians too, there must be definitely, at least one, a few or many so-far unidentified non-believers/apostates of Islam who are fit to be killed. So, in such cases, it is also justifiable to attack, kill, loot and annex their properties, and rape their women. In this sacred Islamic religious duty, they not only follow the Quranic dictates of Allah but also, follow exactly the strategies of their prophet, Muhammad in his many murderous expeditions about 1400 years ago. So, the Jihadis need not have to have any qualms or iota of guilty-conscience. The moot point is that the Muslims earn a comfortable living, while being alive also by this profitable proposition of - kill, loot, and rape philosophy. That is all.

3. Empirical proof of success of Islamic philosophy:

This orderliness (?) of attack on the undefended civilians yielded fantastic profits in terms of ghanimat (spoils) of Zan, Zar, and Zameen, women, wealth, and land respectively for the messenger. Chengiz Khan, Mohammad Ghaznavi, Afghan warlords and Moghal invaders, all followed this very same strategy successfully on their periodical attacks against India . They were able to establish new Empires, expand their kingdoms, rule and subjugate the conquered, demolish their temples and build in the very same locale, the Masjids for Islamic worship and propaganda. The present day outfits like LET, (Lashkar–e-Toiba), HUM (Harkat-ul-Mujahideen, HUJI (Harkat-ul-Jihad-al-Islami, and et al (all based in Pakistan ) also follow this successful strategy.

See the many splendored advantages! What a bright path the Messenger of Allah, Muhammad, (peace be upon him) had shown to his followers. Quite a leader!

Besides, these are but small step towards Islamisation of the world. Several small drops only make the ocean!

Don’t be puzzled by these pearls of Islamic wisdom!!

Now coming back to Jannat problem

Allah was much worried among all Gods of religions in the cosmic space of Heavens.

He was debating within Himself whether the current situation was at all entirely due to the illiterate Muhammad’s reckless promises made in Quran in Allah’s name to suit himself at that time or was it all due to the transmission loss of His communication through Gabriel to Muhammad. Anyway both Muhammad and Gabriel escaped the blame, but, as super-boss Allah, He had to take the entire brunt of blame upon Himself for the conduct His delegated staff.

Moreover, on further investigation, Allah found out that besides problems of new entrants, there were already problems from the Jannat inmates inside. 

Since the problem involved was about the past, present and future management of Jannat, Allah wanted to probe thoroughly into the ‘why and how’ of things so that the exact diagnosis of the quandary could be made for a remedial and permanent solution.

Allah took out his writing pad as if a Systems Analyst, and began noting down the points on His analysis on Jannat crisis.

1. How did the inmates find their entry into Jannat?

It is simply killing innocent non-believers or the apostates of Islam.

No inmate ever reached Jannat, the hard way, like in all other religions in terms of service to fellow humans, personal sacrifices, penance, malice towards none, and love & charity for all etc.

2. Any disposal programme in Jannat?

   It was a one-way ticket to Jannat (only entry with no exit)

3. What was the daily routine of Inmates?

Ha! Daily routine! What else, whole-time sex with Houris & young boys, at times with their original devoted /obedient wives too. It was because:

No need for observance of five pillars of Islam i.e., No-Shahadah / Kalima (No-affirmation of faith), No-Salat (No-five times prayer – So, no-Adaans), No-Zakah (No-obligatory Charity of 2.5% p.a.), No-Sawm (No-fasting in the month of Ramadhan) and No-Hajj (No-pilgrimage to Mecca ) and no more Jihad. So, sex is the only way to spend their time. (What is wrong in spending their time like this, when there is plenty of time with no other work to do and the availability of willing Houris & young boys for sex and their ever-helping hands to fill up their cups with intoxicating wine after every sip, thus keeping the cup and their lip constantly brimming. The gracious Allah had also rewarded the Jannat inmates with another blissful bounty - the sexual prowess to satisfy one and all in one go too – what more anyone can ask for!!).

4. What is the composition of Inmates?

To be honest, the whole lot of inmates could be classified as unsocial (KDs) known desperados in earthly parlance. Most of them were illiterates who were mentally tuned and trained for rape, loot, mayhem, treachery and bloody murders.

5. Then, what are their other vocations in Jannat over and above sex?

The inmates had formed their own Unions Country wise / Sect wise (Sunnis & Shias).

There were factions like, Al Amin Hussaini (an advisor to Adolf Hitler on Jewish Final solution) Brigade, Tikka Khan of Pakistan (the proud Islamic hero of rape of many Bengali-women and slaughter of two million Bangladeshi Hindus and countless Bengali-Muslim professionals, intellectuals and students of the Universities) Brigade; the Mongol (Chengez Khan) Brigade, Moghal Brigade etc. There were constant skirmishes and minor to major fights amongst the inmates. 

But, Al Qeada elements wanted to establish their one-upness or suzerainty over everyone here also, which was not acceptable to many. Al Qeada’s men are grouping themselves now and they are all eagerly awaiting their leader soon at Jannat for the formation of Osama Bin Laden Brigade!

[There is also a saying: Idle brain is a devil’s workshop and just imagine, with the real devils in Jannat as idle-inmates who were also intoxicated alcoholics, what more could be expected from them?]

6. Why did Allah not take timely action in all these years?

That is a several million-dollar question and very inconvenient at that.

The unprecedented present rush to Jannat in such large proportions necessitated Allah to resort to Jannat Shutdown now and re-engineering the entire Jannat set-up.

The mere quantum of provision of aids for the Jannat inmates was quite mind bogging exercise even to Allah i.e. 72 Houris and 28 boys for every single inmate for their sex. Supposing for a Billion Jihadis population at Jannat, Allah had to generate 100 Billion sex-aids besides the other auxiliaries required like Housing, Wine, Food, Water, Clothing facilities etc. 

Thank Allah for the following blessings too - there was no sweat, and no nature’s call in Jannat. Just imagine, if these beneficial blessings were to be absent, the whole lot of Jannat would be more stinking than all the earthly slums put together, and no perfumes permeating the Jannati-air will ever help the offensively malodorous situation!!

But, it was the most distressingly disgusting sight through out the day whenever Allah went out for stroll because every inmate without fail, was only engaged in sexual perversions in residences, streets, parks, and even open spaces. So, Allah had stopped going out of His palace forever.

Now Allah realized the enormity of the problem and found none to help him out too. 

In such a perilous situation of finding a solution, he jotted down various options:

1. Study and compare the management ethics/doctrines/criteria adopted in other Heavens of other religions and see whether anything can be usefully adopted. He then found out that every other religion was totally opposed to His philosophy in every aspect and it would be very suicidal for Him to adopt a different type of philosophy at this stage, other than the present Islamic philosophy of loot, rape, treachery and murder, thus exposing and confirming His stupidity in the creation of Islam.

2. Outsourcing the solution: When Allah even approached the Heads of other Heavens, the response was very cold and unnerving. They put up a --“No entry for any Muslim” board at their respective gates, as they all know the ramifications this could create, such as Wars among Religions in Space also. So, they never wanted any connection whatsoever in any form with Islamic cult.

3. Amendment into a single and consolidated Quran and abolition of Hadiths and Sunnah completely by an Allah Ordinance: Okay. Done. But…

But whom would Allah send as Messenger to Earth? It was the real dilemma for Allah in sending the old messenger, Muhammad once again because he was already declared as the last of the prophets. So, he could not be sent. Even otherwise, Allah was once bitten, so He was twice shy.

In choosing another different messenger Allah never wanted take the risk this time by choosing another earthling. So, the new messenger had to be chosen carefully only after due evaluation and so it would take time. But there was also a possibility that the final candidate would again be from these unsocial known-desperados now parading before Him as martyrs. 

So he jettisoned the very idea of amendment to Quran too.

In this gloom, Allah needed some disposal solution ultimately helpful to Him in terms of at least future inmates of Jannat. This, Allah found in Hadith: Abu Dawood: Vol 3 - Book 40 - Hadith 4580 regarding No. of sects in Islam: (72 sects) + real Islam 1 = Total 73 sects.) Volume 3, Book 40, Number 4580  

Abu ‘Amir al-Hawdhani said: Mu’awiyah b. Abi Sufyan stood among us and said: Beware! The apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) stood among us and said: Beware! The people of the Book were split up into seventy-two sects, and this community will be split up into seventy-three: seventy-two of them will go to Hell and one of them will go to Paradise , and it is the majority group. 

Allah was also not happy that even the 73^rd sect should reach Jannat. That situation was also a nightmare for Him, as the final 73^rd sect would be too fiercely concentrated lot of Islamic fanatics even though their numeric strength might be low. 

Allah found no solution under the vexing conditions. Allah has now to decide whether to continue Jannat or close it down. Allah found himself as if an earthling clutching a tiger’s tail in his trembling hand, i.e., to keep endlessly the tiger’s tail in his hand is more unnerving but the alternative is much worse, i.e., if the tail were to be abandoned from his hand, you know, what can happen? That is the end!!

Allah cursed that either all Islamists cannibalize themselves from within and become extinct on their own or the entire world would rise as one to quell Islam and its ideology once for all completely, even if necessary, violently too, and teach a lesson or two to the pretending sleepers of Islamic cult, Al Qaeda, CAIR and the likes.

What will happen to the present inmates of Jannat? I don’t know. Allah jane which mean Allah knows better.

And that was Allah’s Final Solution, yes, yes, Final Solution! You know what I mean!!

For the first time Allah regretted for allowing the creation of Islamic cult 1400 years ago as well as continuation to this day. 

At the same time, Allah felt extremely happy that the Internet revolution had opened the eyes of many muslims to become apostates or humanists and enlighten many non-muslims that Islam can never be a religion of peace as made out to be so long, and still believed so by many. The Internet can also help in educating simultaneously the believers & the non-believers - about the true contents of Quran, Hudith and Sunnah, about the absurdities or contradictions or dangers or dark-deeds or idiosyncrasies or inconsistencies or intolerances or rowdy-ism or terrorism in Islamic cult. Thus uniting both of them will definitely go a long way, helpful to wipe the ideology of Islam from out from this world altogether like the FFI and Islam-watch.org now doing.