Pat Robertson has announced at least 700 fatwas. That’s how the 700 Club got its name. Some of them didn’t amount to much—condemning legions of mosquitoes at backyard barbecues to the nether regions and consigning half-acres of crabgrass to an early frost doesn’t make headlines. But 700-hundred is 700-hundred and Liberal-Progressives remember every one that has been brought to their attention. They fume and tear their hair and alert the UN. Rosie O’Donnell turns red—or is it pink? No, that’s Cindy Sheehan—most Liberal-Progressives lie somewhere in between. If it weren’t for Pat Robertson some of them would never have any choler in their faces.

A while back Robertson suggested wasting Hugo Chavez wouldn’t be such a bad idea. That got the attention of the Liberal-Progressives. It seems Robertson can’t resist rolling live grenades across the floor of the Furor-Bunker. Was that number 700-hundred? “You know,” said Robertson, “I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he (Chavez) thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war…and I don’t think any oil shipment will stop.” A WWII fragmentation grenade produced up to 1,000 lethal fragments. Maybe that’s what Robertson uses. He must have hit everyone in the Liberal-Progressive Furor-Bunker.

Anderson Cooper said, “Man of God Pat Robertson calls for the killing of Hugo Chavez.” Lou Dobbs said, “We begin tonight with what could be called an evangelical fatwa from religious broadcaster Pat Robertson…Will American religious leaders condemn this outrageous statement?” Kyra Phillips on CNN Live said, “Chavez supporters are expressing outrage over Robertson’s comments. One Venezuelan lawmaker calls televangelist a fascist.” Deborah James on AlterNet said, “His frightening call to assassinate Hugo Chavez is consistent with U.S. government’s hostile stance toward Venezuela (And Venezuela’s stance toward America is what—un-hostile?) But that doesn’t mean it should go unpunished.”

What was Robertson attitude when he issued his fatwa? Was his face all scrunched-up and snarly or was there a smile on his lips? It makes a difference. John Wayne always smiled when he said things like that and he was one of the good guys and anyone who doesn’t believe that has never seen True Grit. The late Ayatollah Knomeini did not smile when he issued his fatwa against Salman Rushdie. His face was all scrunched-up and he coughed the words up like razor blades dipped in Mohammed’s blood. And he meant every word he said. Rushdie is still in hiding. Many Liberal-Progressives believe Rushdie got what he deserved for being insensitive to Islam. Except for Christopher Hitchens no one on the radical left seems to care. It was not their fight.

The same thing is happening to Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a refugee from Somalia and a former member of the Dutch Parliament. Ms. Ali was at the University of Pittsburgh in Johnstown, PA, last week to deliver a lecture on religious freedom. Ms. Ali is a former Muslim and the author of an anti-Islamic book, Infidel, and, even more importantly, the movie that resulted in the murder of Dutch film director, Theo van Gogh. Ms Ali has been under death threat ever since.

Local Muslim groups contested Ms Ali’s appearance at the university. Imam Fouad El-Bayly, President of the Johnstown Islamic Center, led the charge. El-Bayly and his friends did their best to prevent Ms Ali from speaking. She was an atheist, they said. She wrote an essay—The Caged Virgin—that defamed Islam. “A Muslim’s relationship with God is one of fear,” wrote Ms Ali. That’s sort of what Rosie O’Donnell and Bill Maher say about Christianity. Muslims call that kind of talk heresy.

El-Bayly was not a happy camper—what kind of country was America to allow someone like Hirsi Ali to speak at a university; not that there was much he liked about America. Driven to the extreme, never more than a supposed insult away, El-Bayly issued a fatwa. “She has been identified as one who has defamed the faith,” he said. “If you come into the faith, you must abide by the laws, and when you decide to defame it deliberately, the sentence is death.”

And then, so he wouldn’t sound like a totally insensitive clod, he added, “If it is found that a person is mentally unstable, or a child is disabled, there should be no punishment. It’s a very merciful religion if you try to understand it.” Sure, every civilized country has laws against punishing disabled children, but how many civilized countries permit anybody to be put to death for changing their religion? And it’s merciful if you try to understand it? That’s what Joseph Goebbles said about Mein Kampf—as merciful as Dachau and Sachsenhausen. Hirsi Ali has bodyguards to protect her from people like El-Bayly. If Chavez thought Robertson was a threat to his well being it would be Robertson who would need bodyguards.

What was the reaction to El-Bayly’s fatwa in the Liberal-Progressive Furor-Bunker? Did anybody hear the grenade go off? Somebody must have. It made quite a noise among those who live in mortal fear of the religion of peace. Ah, here’s a Liberal-Progressive! What say you? Don’t blink now. The Liberal-Progressive response: Ali who? The Dutch broad from Somalia…the one who gave the lecture at the University of Pittsburgh? Oh, yeah…it’s nice to know she found a job…this is the land of opportunity…didn’t they boot her out of Holland?

Where was Anderson Cooper? Was he busy somewhere else? Of, course, he’s always busy—he didn’t even have time for Don Imus. Hezbollah beckons—it’s his song of the wild. Where was Lou Dobbs? Was he busy counting Ted Turner’s money? (It’s a boring job but somebody has to do it) Where was Kyra Phillips? Removing expletives from her audio files? She’s worse than Imus, doesn’t give as much to charity and looks totally ridiculous in a ten-gallon hat. Where was Deborah James? (Actually, no one cares where Deborah James was)

* Submission—Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s place in Islam.

The Christians were just as bad—that’s what the Rosie O’Donnells will say. They put a fatwa on Galileo. Google it. Galileo was tried by the Inquisition, but he wasn’t shot full of holes on a sidewalk in Amsterdam by a guy named Mohammed. Google that! Take this one to the track: the next time Pat Robertson says something silly or George W. Bush quotes from the Bible, Cooper will forget his Hezbollah friends long enough to take appropriate notice and Dobbs and Phillips and their running dogs at MSNBC and PBS won’t be far behind. There was a scientist who made a study of this kind of behavior. It’s called the slavering instinct.

Zahida Chaudhary, education secretary at Muslim Community Center for Greater Pittsburgh, said, “Islam is a peaceful religion. The Prophet Mohammed was a peacemaker and a role model for humanity. My understanding is that he was a peaceful person who believed that religion was a choice. He tried to teach people and bring them into it, not punish them.” She had to say something and maybe she got confused. She seemed to be describing Jesus Christ not Mohammed. The Prophet was a warrior, a conqueror; he was more like Alaric than Jesus Christ. He consummated a marriage to a nine-year-old child bride and ordered the murder of a poet who had incurred his displeasure; he executed thousands of POWs and distributed their wives, their children, and their possessions to Ali Baba and his Forty Thieves.

Hirsi Ali knows this; Pat Robertson knows this; Chaudhary is confused; El-Bayly’s got more verses in his Qur’an than he’s got space in his head; he should be cleaning out stables, not deciding the fate of people like Hirsi Ali.

Anderson Cooper and Rosie O’Donnell have strayed far from the path of the Founding Fathers. They are hopelessly lost in the Liberal-Progressive Furor-Bunker. They wouldn’t know a fatwa from a Stations of the Cross. But that doesn’t excuse them from cowering in the face of militant Islam. Nothing does.

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Denis Schulz can be contacted at maxflack@charter.net