Marriage
06 Jan, 2008
(Translated from Bengali into English by Abul Kasem)
There will be no introduction to this article. I understand my
previous essays had very solemn tones. Nevertheless, my writings
have endeavored to depict the progress of humanity from the
primitive stage to the current civilization. I leave it to the
readers to assess my success on this effort.
There is no denying that from the very beginning of civilization
women wanted to remain faithful to their husbands. Women considered
it an oppression to have multiple sex partners. To be free from such
oppression women chose to have one bed one husband. Millet (1969,
116) found absurdity in Engeles’s theory, because he (Engeles)
thought women do not like sex.
According to the English common law a wife requires to fulfill
certain covenants if she wants to have the protection of her
husband. The aim of such covenant is to render the wife
non-existent. Let us read this covenant in the Bible:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen. 2:24, King James IV version).
This Bible verse might sound good, but the legal meaning of it is
the virtual death of the woman.
For the same reason, we read in the Hindu scripture:
Her father protects (her) in childhood, her husband protects (her) in youth, and her sons protect (her) in old age; a woman is never fit for independence (Manu Samhita 9:3; translated by Georg Buhler).
Fatima Marnissi has revealed the idea of sex and women in Islam
in her seminal work Ma Wara& al-Hijab--Dynamikia al-Mudhakar wa al-Mu&anass
fi al-Mujtama# al-Islami al-Hadith" [What Lies Behind the Veil--The
Dynamics of the Male-Female in Contemporary Islamic Society].
According to her, Islam views sex as a primitive force, which is
neither good nor evil. The use of sex determines its usefulness or
its destructiveness. The desire for sex in women is much stronger
than men. Therefore, a woman is a potential threat to create social
tension. If this intense sexual desire in women is not controlled it
will lead to fitna or social disorder, which might destroy the
society. In Islam, it is very easy for a man to divorce his wives.
But for a wife the divorce is a death sentence. Muslim wives always
live under the sword of the dreaded word talak (divorce).
To satisfy the sexual desire a Muslim man is allowed to have four
wives at any time. Unfortunately, this might not be enough for many
Muslim men.
Under the threat of talak (divorce) it is so easy to establish
full control on Muslim wives. In the Arab world, it provides the
Arab men unprecedented opportunities to enjoy women. In contrast,
Muslim women have almost no right to divorce husbands. Because, as
per the Islamic marriage contract, a wife is not entitled to the
mahr (dower money) if she divorces her husband, or if she had
already received the mahr she must refund the money if she files to
divorce her husband. Recently, with the adoption of Muslim Family
Law (1961) in Bangladesh, reforms have been made to the talak and
underage marriage. Even then, the women of Bangladesh are still the
victims of Sharia.
In the beginning, the civilized world adopted the policy of
marriage of one man one woman. This ensured the paternal identity of
the offspring. This also entrusted the ownership of all property to
the father.
In a marriage there is more chance of infidelity from the
husband. The woman has very little say on this.
In Greek civilization there is proliferation of goddesses, which
demonstrate the position of women in the ancient Greek society. The
degradation of women started with the beginning of the age of
‘Heroism’. During this period, it was noted, that the men had sexual
relations outside marriage, whereas the women were forced to protect
their chastity, or be fully devoted to their husbands.
This demonstrates that one man one wife is strictly true for
women, not for men.
Demosthenes said, “For sensuality we have harlots, for
concupiscence we have mistresses, and for sons we have wives”. (De
Bevoir 1949, 119).
Ancient India practiced polygamy.
I think these will suffice to illustrate the status of women in
ancient cultures.
To a certain extent, marriage quenches a woman’s desire for sex;
but it is mainly to satisfy her husband, and not to fulfill her own
carnal appetite. In the institution of marriage (Islamic marriage)
the husband buys the woman’s body, just like purchasing a commodity
to enjoy. He then uses her according to his needs—household chores,
offspring, her sexual organs, child bearing, rearing, and so on.
Truly, in an Islamic marriage a woman is completely uprooted from
her parental family. She is forced to disconnect from her past. In
this Islamic marriage the dreaded word talak is also intertwined.
The western women fare better on this; they are not so helpless. For
them divorce is not a disaster. For a long time they are advantaged
to manage their lives according to their wishes.
I perceive there is very little connection between love and
marriage. A woman is married due mainly to societal and religious
(Islamic) demands. In this connection please note that a woman is
married whereas a man marries. The difference is significant. One
might note that if a man chooses not to marry, he suffers no
indignity, whereas a spinster does—an unmarried woman is a social
outcast, the society completely forgets her. This means a woman is a
spineless creature, forever dependent on a man. The man supplies
food, shelter, and clothing, so he is the provider for the woman.
In Hinduism, it was customary that an unmarriageable woman be
married to a tree. Mauten said, “We desire, healthy, rotund, and
chaste women that is both hot as well as cold.” (De Boveir, 1949,
459).
In Sahih Bukhari we read:
The angels curse a woman for refusing to have sex with her
husband…4.54.460
Let us read this hadis in full:
Volume 4, Book 54, Number 460:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning."
This is the ultimate fate of a woman depicted in the Holy
Scriptures written by men. Even the angels curse the woman. It is as
if the woman cannot have anything of her own, such as her likes,
dislikes, and her physical and mental status. If she refuses sexual
intercourse she is inflicted with the divine punishment described in
the above hadis.
One tyrant husband used not to sleep with his wife. He even
distrusted his daughters. So the wife did not have a bedroom of her
own. She slept with her daughters. At the dead of night, when the
husband approached her for sex, she had very little choice but to
comply right in the presence of her daughters.
In the common English law a woman falls under the category of a
child, imbecile and completely insane. She has no power to discern.
She is the property of the husband. He is entitled to enjoy her as
he wished. Bacon explains this ownership in this manner:
He is entitled to beat her, but not severely or cruelly. If needed, he can restrain her, but not imprison her.
The western women have discovered that home, sex, children,
husband, and furnishings have chained them. These things have
gradually robbed their individual freedom. They had been suffering
from “house-wife fatigue”.
It is true that marriage and family is the inevitable destination
of life, especially in Bangladesh. This country is the fertile land
of oppression of the poor women. This is also true for the higher
class, and middle-class women herded in comfortable houses.
Sadly, the talent a woman possesses to offer to the world mostly dies when she enters into a marriage contract. Soon, the system of marriage, acting as a prison, abolishes her opportunity to blossom her intellect and aptitude. This is especially true in Muslim families where sons have preferential treatment in opportunities. Women are trained to be good house-wives. The education of women is mainly aimed at personal grooming, and home decoration. An educated woman is a showpiece at home, just an ornament to be proud of. A husband prides in sleeping with an educated woman. I know a lady who had all the talent in the world to shine on her own. She was a university graduate before she left parental home. Now, after she entered her husband’s home her talents on singing, acting, and other fields are stymied, almost to the point of extinction. Her husband’s household has forbidden her from indulging in such un-Islamic activities. She has to stop communicating with her university classmates. Curiously, they had a so-called love-marriage.
Additionally, this forced subjugation extends even when the wife is more capable than the husband. The condition of wives in poor countries is worse and grotesque. A husband repeatedly rapes his wife, not just physically but spiritually and mentally; and destroys her world of existence.
Just to exist the wife has to resort to pretension; while
sleeping with him she acts in the bedroom. She is forced to play
such a game of deception lest she loses her husband to another
woman. Absolute fear haunts the wife through and through. This is
how the so-called sweet life of marriage continues. That
progressive-minded woman is now praised as a dutiful and obedient
maid servant. The only difference between female domestic maid
servant and the domesticated wife is that, while the former receives
wages, the latter does not. In Islam, the wife’s status is that of a
dignified sex-slave.
References:
- Nari (Women), Dr Humayun Azad
- Rahul Sankrittayon
- Dan Brown
- Bertrand Russell
- Various religious sources
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Eka is a progressive Muslim woman from Bangladesh.
Name: vbv
Date: Monday May 05, 2008
Time: 04:50:18 -0700
Comment
All "holy scriptures" are written by men ,for men and only for the hegemoney and tyranny of men. There is no exception. While Manu's Law is not considered 'Divinely ordained' to be followed by the society to the letter. Who in India knows what is Manu's Laws or whatever? Only the pandits and a very miniscule number of people may know it. The Indian society is very diverse in its forms of worships, atheism is also openly practiced ,just as agnosticism, non-dualism of the vedanta, even tribalism, animalism, etc. all coexisting without causing any social disharmony . This cannot be cannot be said of Abrahamic faiths, which are very rigid, inflexible in their approach, especially Islam which takes the Sharia ,which is after a collation of the sayings of Muhamad and other Arabian tribal practices , taken as "Divine" and cannot be altered by 'humans' and has to be followed to the letter ,making life uncertain, miserable, highly restrictive, repressive , oppressive and constrained for any civilised human being. In islam women are nothing but sex-slaves and child-bearing machines , and that is the view even in the 21st. century! While the hindu is willing to modernise and accept secular values , the muslim still revels in medevial barbarianism of the Arabs as 'divinely ordained'. The muslims are inflexible, against modern secular values ,free-thinking, individual human-rights and progressiveness. That is why they are generally backward ,languish in ignorance , fear and superstition. A hindu may reject any religion or forms of worship and no one calls for his blood ,since hinduism is not a monolithic religion founded by a single person. Even the Rig Veda has many hymns which is skeptical and questions the existence of a God (see book 10 hymn 129,hymn72,hymn 190,etc,) The mandukya upanishad is purely non-dualistic and has no place for God the creator. Most upanishads are non-dualistic,but they respect other point of view too. Hinduism is not mere worship of deities, it allows free-thinking also. Castism comes a social evil . Valmiki ,the author of 'Ramayana' was a dalit (a so-called 'untouchable) - the Vamiki trbe comes under Scheduled cast/tribe in India, so also Ambedkar, Jyotirba Phule, Kabir Das, etc. Today the chief justice of the Supreme Court of India is a Dalit, so also the chief minister of India's largest and most populous state/province Uttar Pradesh Ms. Mayavati. What I am driving at is that ahindu is willing to accept any shortcoming and is willing to address that problem sincerely ,while a muslim will not as he will say that Allah and Muhamad says kill the non-believers and subjugate them, the muslim will not see its barbarianism, stupidity and criminality, he will just follow it unthinkingly in the hope of getting to islamic paradise of 72 virgins,28 boys and lots of wines and liqours!
Name: THE ONLY MARRIAGES INCREASING IN NUMBERS ARE YOUR GAY / LESBIANS
Date: Monday May 05, 2008
Time: 05:08:43 -0700
Comment
AS YOU ADMIT YOU ARE THE SOCIETY OF BASTARDS!!, ABL KASAM, IS ONE OF THEM, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU EXPECT FROM A BASTARD? The Society of Bastards.org* Preliminary 2005 data from the CDC's National Center for Health Statistics indicates of the 4,140,419 births, 36.8% or 1,523,674 children were born out-of-wedlock. That's a 1.3% increase over 2004. Quoting the CDC: "In 2005, well over four in five births to teenagers were non-marital. Over one-half of births to women aged 20-24 years-old and nearly three in ten births to women 25-29 years-old were to unmarried [mothers]." WHERE ARE THE FATHERS OF THESE BABIES? Reported in The Wall Street Journal (November 1, 2005, page D5) and other publications the preliminary 2004 data from the CDC's National Center for Heath Statistics indicates: "Unwed women contributed 35.7% or 1.47 million [babies] of the total 4.1 million U.S. births in 2004. . . . That is up 4% among all age, race and ethnicity groups from 2003." This testifies to the urgency of our mission to help future babies NOW! Final data indicates that during 2003 in the United States of America, 1,415,995 babies were born to unmarried women, an almost 4 percent increase over 2002. Over one-third of all live births were illegitimate causing those innocent children, then adults, to be branded bastards for not only the rest of their lives, but for their entire legacy.
Name: WHY SO MANY DIVORCE? ANS== FAITHLENESS, GODLESS PEOPLE!!!
Date: Monday May 05, 2008
Time: 05:20:50 -0700
Comment
Divorce Magazine Personals lavalife dating free trial World Divorce Statistics Percentage of New Marriages which End in Divorce, in Selected Countries (2002) Country Divorces (as % of marriages) Sweden Belarus Finland Luxembourg Estonia Australia United States Denmark Belgium Austria Czech Republic Russia United Kingdom Norway Ukraine Iceland Germany Lithuania France Netherlands Hungary Canada Latvia Moldova Slovakia Portugal Switzerland Bulgaria Slovenia Romania Poland Singapore Greece Croatia Spain Israel Albania Azerbaijan Italy Georgia Armenia Turkey Bosnia and Herzegovina Macedonia Sri Lanka India (Source: Americans for Divorce Reform) 54.9 52.9 51.2 47.4 46.7 46 45.8 44.5 44 43.4 43.3 43.3 42.6 40.4 40 39.5 39.4 38.9 38.3 38.3 37.5 37 34.4 28.1 26.9 26.2 25.5 21.1 20.7 19.1 17.2 17.2 15.7 15.5 15.2 14.8 10.9 10.3 10 6.6 6 6 5 5 1.5 1.1
Name: all religion r generally man created for man not by woman for
woman
Date: Monday May 05, 2008
Time: 23:24:41 -0700
Comment
all religion r generally created by man for man,not for woman by woman. so its obvious women will be in lower position than man. no religion is created by any god,all religion r man created.
Name: BASTARD JESUS IS PROPHET IN ISLAM, WHAT KIND OF BOOK IS FUCKING
PIG SHIT KORAN ?
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 00:48:54 -0700
Comment
SOME MUSLIMS SAYS THERE IS INCREASE IN BASTARDS....LET ME ASK THESE PIG SHIT MUSLIMS WHAT IS THE REASON THESE MUSLIMS CONSIDER THE BASTARD JESUS [ HE HAD NO HUMAN FATHER AND IF ALLAH FUCKED MARRY WHERE THE Y CHROMOSOME CAME FROM ? I AM SURE SOME MAN FUCKED MARY AND SHE HAD JESUS AND TO ESCAPE STONING TOD EATH SHE MADE UP THE VIRGIN STORY ]...SO IF MUSLIMS BELIEVE BASTARD JESUS IS HUMAN WHY THEY DONT ACCEPT OTHER BASTARD CHILD AS HUMAN ALSO ? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM OF MUSLIMS TO ACCEPT BASDTARD JESUS AND PROPHET AND HUMAN BUT NOT OTHER BASTARD CHILDREN ?? IT ONLY SHOWS THAT BASTARD BELIEVER CHRISTIANS AND BASTARD BELIEVER MUSLIMS R ALL HIPOCRATES. COME TO THINK OF IT, THE SO CALLED FIST MAN AND WOMAN WERE ALSO BASTARDS AS THEY HAD NO FATHER OR MOTHER SO ADAM HIMSELF IS A BASATRD AND ALL JEWS CHRISTIANS MUSLIMS WHO BELIEVE IN BASATRD ADAM STORY R ALSO THEMSELF BASARS KIDS AS THEY BELIEV BASATRS ADAM AND BASTARD EVEN FUCKED AND HAD KIDS AND THEIR KIDS BROTHERS AND SISTERS HAD INCESTEOUS SEX AND HAD KIDS. SO MUSLIMS R FUCKING BASTARD INCESTOUS PIGS.
Name: Tony
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 01:28:04 -0700
Comment
sexual equality in Islam? So why can't the girls have 4 men? Why can't the blokes wear a burkha to prevent turning on the girls? Islam is a dangerous joke.
Name: faithless and godless better than muslims any day
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 03:47:14 -0700
Comment
faith less means no faith in islam, but faith in truth and love for all humanity. godless means no faith in jew christian/islamc deity allah but faith in truth and love. its better to hv faith in truth and love and be godless and divorced than be a muslim woman who is screwd if she marries and screwed if not. muslim women hv the worst situation, if raped by men she must prove it my other male witness or be stoned to death. alhamdullillaahhh what a nonsense religion islam is.
Name: yousuf
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 06:19:56 -0700
Comment
dear eka, it was really an informative and interesting article indeed. by reading your article i came to know a lot of points which previously i didnt even thought off. well there is nothing much to say-i just want to add that, to change this problems of discrimination towards women everyone of us should take positive steps of moralities.
Name:
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 07:50:42 -0700
Comment
I WILL TELL YOU WHY THERE ARE MORE BASTARDS IN WESTERN WORLD THAN ISLAMIC,BEFORE YOU MARRY YOUR WIFE TO BE ON AN AVERAGE GOES THROUGH OR SHALL I SAY SHE SITS IN 12 DIFFERENT MENS LAPS, AND SINCE THERE ARE SO MANY YOU BASTARDS ARE AROUND , YOU SEEM TO HAVE LOST SHAME OR IN ONOTHER WORD DIGNATY IF YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, AND THEN YOU BASTARDS HAVE GUTS TO TALK ABOUT MUSLIMS, WHERE ONE HAS TO LOOK UP THE MEANING OF THE WORD BASTARD TO KNOW IT.
Name: Challenge to infidels from Akhter
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 09:03:38 -0700
Comment
I challenge all infidels to write a single verse like a quranic verse. Try 8.55 "The worst beasts in Allah's eyes are non muslims".
Name: TO THE MUSLIM GUY
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 09:10:39 -0700
Comment
How can you blame commoners when your Prophet, an example for all muslims, had a bastard son Ibrahim from his slave girl and god knows how many more as he raped hundreds of captured women.
Name: kafir/infidel ( & Ex-communist ).
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 11:49:15 -0700
Comment
First it is totaly wrong and incorrect to talk even remotedly on the same vein , Hindu dharma and ISLAM . They are diametrically opposite. Hindu dharma is open, progressive, liberal, with kindness, compassion, democratic, most tolerant, freedom and peace loving . The writer here- EKA - seems to have less knowledge about Hindu dharma and decidedly she is incomplete and misleading as far as Hindu dharma is concerned. Manu samhita is not a Hindu scripture. Vast majority of Hindus do not even heard about it. Did any Hindu told her or she has seen any Hindu practicing the dictats of Manu ? First it is only a social saying ,not a religious idea. Second it is evident that what she ( EKA) is talking in Manu samhita is the economical care and wellbeing given to a woman - not in any way equated with ISLAMIC Koranic edicts.... Another most falsifying attempt on the part of EKA about HINDU DHARMA is her statement --------------- that in Hinduism , it was customery that an unmarraigeable woman be married to a tree . where from the writer got this information ? Is it religious practice ?No. She is talking about past - if at all it is true . No relevance to present time and to the Hindu dharma . Clearly this is proof that the writer do not have complete understanding or knowledge of Hindu dharma ................ on the other hand , she wrote truthfully - eventhough not fully - about ISLAM......................... In hindu dharma - marriage is a sacred commitment for life for both man and woman ( a woman is called ARDHANGI - 1/2 of the body). Lord SIVA is represented as ARDHA NAREESWAR - 1/2 man and 1/2 woman - which means that in creation, in life , in the universe - both man and woman are inseparable whole - an integral part of life and cant be separated..........EKA is totally wrong and at best profoundly vague when she writes a few sentences about Hindu dharma . For example In HINDU dharma ther are 7 kinds of marriages ,including love marriage and another one purely chosen by woman . Rukmini chose Krishna , SITA chose RAMA , sakuntala - a fisher woman chose the king Dushyanta and hundreds of other examples are available . It is so tragic that some Bengali moslems , ex.moslems are lacking in knowledge and in truth about Hindu dharma. Usually they are misrepresenting Hindu dharma --- ABUL KASEM , M.A KHAN and even Taslima Nazreen misrepresented Hindu dharma . EKA has no idea , how women are placed in HINDU dharma - which is right at the top , on the pedastal. In the whole human civilization only Hindu dharma has the concept of woman as Goddess. SARASWATHI as the source of knowledge and music................. Lakshmi as the source of wealth and health, and DURGA as the destroyer of evil . Only Hindus have thousands of temples for women as Goddess and where women are worshipped by men, boys girls and other women. Women in Hindu dharma are free to sing, to dance, to perform music and to act !!!!!! since ancient times .............. Most important to note - that 1000 yrs( a long, long time by any means ) INDIA and Hindus were enslaved and ruled by foreigners under ISLAM and christianity and Hindus were slaves under foreign rule and laws . Hindu society and Hindus woukd have been much different , than today as Hinduism is always a open, progressive, liberal force, undogmatic . The measure of Hindu liberal, progressiviam can be seen from the INDIAN constitution adopted after independence in HINDU INDIA.
Name: ZuK
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 12:11:03 -0700
Comment
I beg to correct one fact: polyandry (one female with multiple males) was actually practiced in Ti bet way into the XXth century, and certain other peoples in China have a system of open relationship between sexes that diverges from monogamy. Monogamy is not a biological mandate - is a relative cultural construct. That having been said, I cannot condone the oppresion of ANY sex by the other in the name of any religious dogma. So, I abhorr the misoginist practices of the Islamic world.
Name: Islam is over...due!!!
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 13:15:12 -0700
Comment
Come on! It is over!!! Give up and concede! Islam was an error and it was made to deceive the fools! Nothing else! There is nothing behind Islam!
Name: to: challenge to all infidels from akhter
Date: Tuesday May 06, 2008
Time: 22:50:41 -0700
Comment
I challenge all infidels to write a single verse like a quranic verse. Try 8.55 "The worst beasts in Allah's eyes are non muslims". I am an infidel. How about this sentence: "The worst beasts in Allah's eyes are muslims. for they do not go along with the essence of the creation of man and woman, one man for one woman. They make one man for four woman. Like a male monkey have several female monkeys as wives."