Dear Dr. Ali Sina,
Sorry to send you a long pm despite knowing your scarcities of
valued time. I thought many times about it, to write a testimony
to thank you and let you know about me. Though I joined FFI in
december 2005, I am sharing it now in july 2006, well, better late
I can’t remember exactly when the seed of doubt implanted in my
mind about the religion I born into. It could be then when I used
to attend the Friday prayers in the mosque and my hands were
raised too with the believers to praise Allah and his
Rasul (Prophet) to bring devastation to Israel day after day,
Friday after Friday with no result.
Or, it could be then, when I learnt, a Mumeen (faithful) is
entitled to have 72 vigins in after life, but a Mumeena
need to be satisfied with just sharing her old earthly husband
with other 72 competitors? Or then, when I confronted the Quranic
verse to beat one's wife (lightly!). (i.e. I did know the sahih
hadith that suggests a Salat become void if an ass, a dog and or a
woman pass across in front and Aisha prompted teasing in sadness
(?) and wondered "you guys made us women equivalent to dogs")
No, I don't think it did happen then. I still was attending
prayers more seriously so that Allah could guide me from evil
thoughts prompted in my mind provoked by Satan.
My father is a very strict and devoted Muslim. He went to Mecca to
perform the hajj. When I was a college student, we used to perform
magreeb, eesha and Fazr salat with jamat at home. My father used
to be the imam and we two brothers were his followers.
As it was as usual in my neighborhood, to arrange “Islamic Jalsa”
(Waz Mahfill- like a seminar where Moulana’s delivers there
uncensored (hate) speeches using many loud speakers) for three
days, 5 days or even 7 days during winter. Sometimes I used to
participate voluntarily in the youth team to serve hujurs (Muslim
priest) and to look after other small things so that the Mahfil
can go on uninterruptedly and peacefully (?). I can remember, once
in a similar Mahfil, a Molana was speaking about
Jews and enlightening audience regarding the filthy natures of
Jews and how despicable they are to Allah among all Allah’s
creatures, how they used to fabricate god’s orders, how they used
to kill their prophets and how they became apes.
Before going to the bed I asked my father about it. He attested it
as a matter of fact according to the holy Quran and Hadith and I
should not have any doubt in my mind about Quran. I went to bed
with no doubt (?) in my mind.
Next day, another Moulana was delivering his speech and it was
about women. He was telling that according to Rasul, women have
half intelligence to a man. I was pondering, how come, my mother
is half intelligent than to my father where as proofs are showing
opposite pictures sometimes!
I talked to my father again about it and as usually he validates
it according to the Hadith. This time the pill was much bitter for
me to swallow. I argued giving references of great women like
mother Teresa, Madam Marie Curie etc. I asked him if he thinks
either of him or that Molana is doubled intelligent then Madam
Marie Curie. He became speechless, his face turned into red and he
was about to burst on me. After taking a long breath, he asked my
mother to take care of me as he can see I am going astray
day-by-day. Yes, he was very right!
After that incident, whenever I looked upon my mother, my mind was
telling me, no, this can’t be true. It is discrimination to my
mother, to my sister and to all women.
I felt an urge to examine the thing by myself. I decided to read
Quran, Hadith and Islamic history in Bangla for my own sake and
wait, there were lots of surprises waiting for me.
It was a striking situation for me after reading the Quran. Rather
getting answers of my questions, many new questions popped up into
mind of which I had to have satisfactory answers from any reliable
source. In plain, I needed to have good explanations from the
local authority. I started to keep notes of the Quranic verses
while reading, which was, in my view, subjected for explanations.
It was the month of Ramadan and I did it for the entire month,
reading and keeping notes.
In the day of Eid-ul-Fitre, local Moulanas came to our home as
invited by my father. I got the opportunity to place my notes to
them after Quran are very much time bounded? I could see, it is
dealing, instructing about day-to-day affairs of the prophet and
his vicinities, prescribing persecutions of peoples of his own
time, Allah is peering, invoking in prophets household affairs,
telling tales which others have told long before Muhammed. Quran
mentions about several nations of past but not for a single time
there is any mention about other ancient peoples in China or India
or any other i.e America which was unknown to the Arabs of
prophet’s time. Didn’t Allah know America, China, India or
Australia? How come he forgot or just did not care about more than
half of the any time population of his earth? How it is
legitimized for Allah to send peoples of 7th century India and
China or Papua new Guyana into hell for being charged of idolatry
where as they were unaware of what laws Allah was delivering in
Arabia through his Rasul. In this case, what will happen to
them after life? Are they going to paradise or hell? Why?
How can this very book of ultimate knowledge contains absurdities,
like existence of Jinn, talking ants, shooting missile towards
wild jinn, moon is an instrument to keep record of times,
mountains are pegs to keep balance of the earth etc? If, after
uttering Talaq (Divorce) three times by the husband, if the
couple decide to be re united, why the woman has to be married
with a third person and this third person must consummate her? Is
not it insult to the woman and a punishment that she does not
deserve? What kind of judgment is it?
I was a hopeless case to understand the eternity of the words of
Allah and acts of his Rasul due to my satanic mind according to
the head Moulana. Eventually, The head Moulana, his companions and
my uncles came to the conclusion that it is the effect of my non
Islamic education system of my university which must be discarded
at once, in addition I am entitled to receive seven lashes in
order for doubting on Allah and his Rasul and a Tawba is Farz
(Mandatory) for me to repent. My venture of compiling disturbing
verses from Quran and quest for explanation ends here with seven
lashes and repentance. The notebook I presented has been tear down
and burnt in front of all.
Next morning, I left my home with pains and unbound disgust.
Later, I tried to understand Islam as Muslims want us to the way.
I failed; I could not understand how Allah made Mr. Omer satisfied
by attesting his desire imposing Hijab on women through Quran! Oh
he is all knowing almighty, off course HE can read Omar’s mind!
But wait a minute, is not it the Quran that has been preserved in
Loh Mahfuz by allah written in golden tablets before creating the
universe?! If so, then how come this commandment did not come down
before Omer showed his desire for that?! Behold! It is Allah who
decides what to send down and when! Off course Allah knoweth the
Interestingly, he knew it too that in some extent of time he would
need to attest the chastity of Aisha when many believers including
holy prophet would doubt on her. Of course Allah is the wisest! It
is just poor me, pathetically struggled and failed to understand
the simplest thing that could be easily understood and taken by a
Well, the problem is, I was no more a kid by then. I was able to
understand why Allah has to be so active about “Aisha case”
ignoring millions of other problems in the earth.
I utterly failed to understand the importance of legitimization
for the holy prophet to marry his adopted son's wife and how this
deed is useful or be a good guidance to be followed by the Ummah?.
What we as a Muslims, or as Non Muslims, could learn or gain from
this prophetic example for our advancements?
I never could understand how sura Lahab can be considered as the
eternal words of the almighty and all merciful creator of the
universe. Rather HE sounds to be a frustrated, hateful, vengeful,
powerless and mean minded god who cannot punish his creature by
himself but to curse so nasty humanly.
I have learnt that the prophet is the best person among the
mankind for the all time and it is my duty to follow his
footsteps, imitate him in every aspect of my life. Every Muslim
tries it, so did I? But Allah sealed my heart and perhaps I am one
of them whom he created to be fuel of his hells. Otherwise how
could I be failed again to follow the footsteps of my beloved
When I will be in my 52 or 53 (if I am alive still then) should I
not marry a 6 years old girl, perhaps a daughter of my friend, no
matter she reaches her puberty in her 9 or whatsoever? Surely I
can’t, because it is a prophetic and holy act, far beyond of me to
reach as a filthy cynic!
I can not undertake a genocide either, like he committed to Bani
quriza, I cant torture a Kinana just to know where the treasures
are hidden, I cant kill any Ka’b or Asma for composing poetry
criticizing me, I cant consummate (Rape) a Shafia same day after
killing his beloved husband and father, I cant consider innocent
children and women as booty. I can’t perform Azl with
captive women to prevent her pregnancy so that her price does not
fall down in slave market. I cannot take 14 wives, many concubines
and slave girls to have sex. I cannot cheat my wife (Hafsa) to
have sex with slave girl Mariah the Coptic. I cannot sly infidels
wherever I find them. I cannot abstain myself taking friends among
infidels. And there are many more things for which I cannot follow
his holiness footsteps. I don't believe in the myth that “Islam is
the religion of Peace or: Islam is a complete code of life”
Because, now I know the history of Islam how it multiplied, I
witnessed the Taliban regime (an ideal Islamic regime and real
Islam in action) and understood the essence of Islamic “complete
code” of life theory, completely unmatched with human rights that
I have learnt.
I witnessed the Hadith in action when they dealt with women in
Afghanistan, forced to leave jobs, hijabified, stoned, lashed and
hanged. Bunch of bearded Neanderthals roaming the rocky milieu
carrying AK-47, this picture has become a nightmare to me. Not
even in my worst dream, I would want to be amongst them, never. I
don't want to be dictated by a 7th century cave man in my daily
life- how to eat, how to sit, how to sleep, how to sleep with my
wife, how to wash private parts, how to walk, how to select proper
stone to use after urinating. All of a sudden, I become just too
much unholy to accept all these craps.
I was alone, living with my evil thoughts and having volcanic
eruptions inside me. I could not share my thoughts to anyone else
freely. I have seen the fate of Taslima Nasreen, and Prof. Ahmed
Sharif and I was frightened for me since I could not control
myself many times while talking about religion and especially
about Taslima, in several occasions with couple of Tabligue
students in my university dormitory. I have been marked as anti –
Islamic and pro-Israel by them. My room met advised me not to
cross the limit. I decided not to put me in any more danger. I
changed the dormitory and become quiet but never left my quest.
After 9/11, once just to see what happens, I put the word
“anti-Islam” in google and clicked search. It led me to the
answering Islam.org. For almost 2 years I have been clinging to
that site to read its contents almost every day. That time I felt
I am not alone. And there are many evil minds like me who are
after the truth. It empowered my mind and attested my questions
and thoughts about Islam. I started feeling that in some extent I
was correct about Islam. This site helped me a lot. I started to
copy paste many articles in my hard disk to read them later. I
have taken books available there and from other similar sites.
I have been greatly inspired by speeches and writings of Dr.
Humayun Azad, my favorite professor in university. In February 27,
2004, a brutal assassination attempt occurred to chop off him by
local jihadiest, after like 1 hour, we left him at the on going
“book fair” after discussing about his new book Pak Sar Zamin
Sha’ad Ba’ad -1st line of the Pakistani national anthem. After
recovery of that attempt he went to Germany and found dead at his
suit in Munich, which I believe they murdered him with the help of
Munich al-qaida operators.
I can not forget it; he was like a lone brave fighter who has been
fighting against the holy(?) forces with his massive pen (since
other great fighter Taslima Nasreen has been already deported from
This incident had to leave a significant impact on me. By then, I
was convinced and realized that Islam the “religion of peace” must
be taken care of somehow. It must be stopped because there is
nothing good in it that can’t be found else where, but it is
unique in its evil design, nature and teachings, not available
elsewhere. It’s devils cult transforming good humans into ruthless
zombies. It is against humanity, against our advancements,
destroying our culture & heritage, taking away our identities,
making us arab controlled dhimmies. Yes it is, Muhammed is not any
messenger from any merciful god, he himself is disguised in him as
his allah. So he lied. He is the biggest liar in the history. From
now, I not only would denounce Islam, the religion of hate, but,
shall take an oath to work against this devilish cult till I am
I could not make up my mind how and from where to start. Writing
book in Bangla using materials I already collected, was a
dangerous idea considering the situation in Bangladesh, so I
decided not to do that. Moreover, after that incident, I don't
think any publisher would be interested in any book that would
definitely be banned here by less than a week. My English is not
as good as to write something like book about Islam in English so;
my mind would wander in vacuity for few more months until a link
would lead me to the great site FFI and great writings of Dr. Ali
Sina. I found an objective.
Dear Dr. Ali, I do consider myself as a soldier of kufr in this
war against Islam. To contribute substantially, I was thinking
about a Bangla version of FFI.
I believe I could contribute here for Bangladeshi and Bangla
reading Muslims who would love to read your outstanding articles
and stunning debates in their own language and could understand
properly for possible apostasy. At the same time I also fear that
pro- Islamic Bangladesh govt. can ban the site if exposed too
much. I would love to have your thought in this regard.
Thank you so much for showing me the way and also many thanks for
your time you spent reading me.
Source: Faith Freedom