Islam
Under Scrutiny by Ex-Muslims
Islamic
Sexual Ethics and the problems of the Kurdish Youth
29 Jan, 2007
In the course of discussions regarding the out flux of Kurdish
youths attributed to the crises of confidence in Kurdish
authority, I thought that there might be some additional reasons.
One such could be the sexual repression. The other might be a
design by Islamic parties and organisations to colonize Europe,
and America if possible, to bring about the Islamic domination of
the world, which they hope for. However, the issue I am concerned
with here is sex, but lest I raise the wrong expectation, I should
make it clear that I mean the less exciting issue, sexual ethics.
No doubt, this is a sensitive issue and it may not be possible to
prove beyond doubt that such a phenomenon is occurring. However,
there is a more obvious, but not identical, issue originating from
the same source. This is what underpins a well rehearsed story
told by many young men: that they had romantic or sexual
relationships with some women, their cover was blown, and the
women in question were killed by their respective relatives and so
they had to flee because their lives were also in danger. Of
course, one cannot take these stories at face value, although no
one can deny that honour killing is happening, what can be doubted
though is whether these young men are the ones who were involved,
or whether they are just using someone else’s life story.
Nevertheless, honour killing is a testimony to the lack of that
freedom which is our concern here. Still, it is difficult to prove
that there a causal relationship between lack of personal freedom,
in regard to sex, and immigration. One might acknowledge the fact
that there is no freedom in regard of relationship between the
sexes in Kurdistan, but one can still deny that people would leave
because of that matter. Some people would point out individuals
who had abstained from sex for years and years for the sake of
some causes which they assumed to be worthier, like their religion
or nationalism, or just be around and take care of one’s loved
siblings and parents. Some might point out people, whose acute
self-consciousness would cause them to lose self-respect and sense
of integrity if they fake a cause, in the name of justice or
principle, while aware of their own real motivations, namely,
succumbing to sexual urges. Such cases are not impossible and I
would not deny that.
However, not everyone is like that. In Kurdistan, like any other
country in the world, there is a sex industry and obviously it is
not set up for foreigners. Moreover, there are some people who
travel abroad to buy cheap sex. Moreover, sexual deprivation leads
and has led many to seek sex with the vulnerable, young boys, and
even animals. Another fact is that we can see our youths abroad
going to discotheques and nightclubs. All these phenomena indicate
that sex or just personal liberty might be one of the motivations
behind emigration to the West.
Despite all this we cannot prove conclusively that some youths are
leaving Kurdistan in search of easy sex or romance. Some people
may point out that sex would not have become an issue if these
youths were given some cause or collective goal to achieve. Some
may rightly point out that there were cases of individuals who
fought for decades without bowing to the pressure of sex or any
other temptations. I agree on this and obviously, the Kurdish
authorities have to take some blame because corruption and
monopoly of power have engendered disillusionment and alienation.
It is very likely that when there is no collective goal to hold
the group together and create a passion among them, atomisation,
and hedonism will step in. For an atomised individual, the search
for pleasure and avoidance of pain would very likely be the
supreme values and sex would feature very prominently in the
equation.
However, with all these qualifications to take into account, the
best we can say is that there is a possibility that some youths
may be leaving Kurdistan to escape sexual repression. So my
analysis here would be concerned with this conjectured phenomenon.
No doubt, discussing this issue will also bring us to the broader
issue concerning the reasons that sexual mores are different, and
which one is better. The difference in sexual ethics is an
undeniable fact and thus the arguments will be about facts and not
just conjectures.
Discussing sexual ethics is extremely important. Sexual repression
is behind honour killing which is a cause for national disgrace,
for some of us at least. More disgracefully, sexual repression is
also behind some of the sexual violation against children in our
own countries.
As crucially, many young men who come here driven, even if
partially, by sexual fantasies do not know sufficiently about the
culture in which sexual permissiveness is norm. Obviously, if a
young woman in Kurdistan behaves like the young women in the West
do, the Kurds before anyone else will regard her as a prostitute.
Acquiring such a reputation may lead often to murdering her by her
menfolk, sometimes even by her womenfolk. This underlines a risk
that women in Europe are looked on with disrespect and as
prostitute, and assaulting a prostitute would not be a
psychologically impossible mountain to climb for a Kurd and in
general all those coming from Islamic background.
Hence it is our obligation to show the Kurdish youths the right
way to behave, so that they do not disgrace themselves and their
people. However, our greater obligation and concern should be
towards their victims and potential victims in their adopted
countries.
At the heart of this matter is to find a way to instil respect for
women regardless of the impression of their sexual behaviour or
even their sexual trade. Doing so has the additional benefit of
counteracting the mentality behind the so-called honour killing in
our own countries.
It is obvious, that Islam is directly and indirectly responsible
for the inferior value accorded to women. ‘Men Have authority over
women because God has made the one superior to the other, and
because they spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are
obedient. They guard their unseen parts because God has guarded
them. As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them
and forsake them in beds apart, and beat them. Then if they obey
you, take no further action against them. Surely God is high,
supreme’ (The Koran 4:34, p. 83). It is true that Islam does not
call for honour killing and the like, but Islam effects the
mentality in which the practice occurs.
Islam is ignorant of the need for an institution that can organize
power struggles peacefully. This meant that Islam, whether during
Mohammed’s reign or his immediate and subsequent Khalifs, relied
on violence to curb power struggle whether between the Muslims
themselves or between Muslims and non-Muslims. Even today in the
age of liberal democracy, Muslims have not yet realized that
without adopting liberal democracy, a political entity will be
substantially defective, hence their continued warring against
each others and against non-Muslims.
Relying on violence needs men of violence and hence all concession
to men in Islamic morality. The compromised Islamic morality meant
that warriors were allowed to pillage and even take women as
spoils of war.[1]
However, criticism of Islam does not imply that we have provided
the right sexual moral codes. We need also be courageous enough to
express the alternative ethic even if that attracted criticism as
well as denunciations.
What is needed is a complete or near complete alternative sexual
and marriage ethic.
Expressing opinion about sexual ethics is important for me
personally. Many individuals who may easily give up Islam would
not do so because they, as many have confided in me, assume Islam
is a good excuse to keep their womenfolk, daughters, sisters or
wives in the house, insulated from sexual contact with outsiders.
Moreover, because this concern of Kurdish men, I usually assure
them that the evolutionary liberalism which I advocate promotes
morality much better than Islam does, and denying that Islam
supports the right morality. That is why it would also be
incumbent on me to delineate what kind of sexual ethic I believe
to be compatible with evolutionary liberal democracy. For this
purpose we will need to consider certain points:
Firstly, the tendency to prevent sexual access to females by an
alpha male is displayed across many species and it is not unique
to human beings. From the point of view of the theory of the
Selfish Gene, it can be predicted that, other things being equal,
a gene informing such a behavior is more likely to survive than
its allele that does not encode such behavior. In a way sexual
jealousy is the way of a selfish gene to ensure its own survival.
Now, to explain the biological root of a phenomenon does not
entail that it can be discarded as unneeded. However, considering
the biological root of sex and other traits associated with sexual
reproduction allows us to construct our values more rationally and
humanely. The possible implication of this view is that should a
man wanted a child of his own he should ask the woman to bear his
child without forcing her to abandon her personal liberty just to
satisfy his urges for dominance and sexual jealousy. Since forming
a pair is necessary for the right upbringing of children they
should tend to make a contract to stay together to care for the
child. Perhaps, a modern family needs to be clear on all these
matters.
Secondly, present marriage institutions can be seen as a relic of
a time when ideologies dominated and thus male dominated female.
In the past, women were being sold men, and as a woman was
regarded as lesser human, she was not given the chance about the
details of the contract she would enter to. Her sexual fidelity
would not be asked from her because that would entail that she can
have a say in the matter. Instead she was used as a property, who
should do what expected from a property or else be destroyed and
disposed of.[2]
Of course, sexual fidelity would be better option and can ensure
greater protection from sexual diseases and perhaps greater
confidence as well as love between the partners. However, most of
such benefits can only be obtained voluntarily. In any case, it is
possible, currently, to verify who is the father of a baby and it
is also verifiable matter if the parent stay around to care for a
child. But fidelity and complete devotion are not as verifiable,
on the part of both sexes. So perhaps a marriage contract should
leave these additional benefits out and they should be placed in
the care of the partners to be nurtured on daily bases without
taking them for granted.
Thirdly, in regard to whether we should respect sexual liberty or
not, I would say that sexual liberty is better than sexual
deprivation. The reasons for this can be many. Firstly, what is
usually prohibited is heterosexuality and this puts greater
pressure towards sexual abuse of boys and children as well as
anyone can tell, other animals, specifically donkeys in rural
areas. Many male as well as females become traumatized because of
this deprivation and gender separation. Many males unfortunately
take the role of guard and enforcer of the separation of sexes, a
task that turns them violent and callous. Sexual liberty would not
be harmful if health concerns and contraceptives are taken in case
the partners were not ready for a child.
Fourthly, I should also say that I am not urging the encouragement
of sexual contact. This is a private matter and should be left for
the discretion of the individuals involved. In any case, from the
evolutionary political theory perspective the aim for life which I
see as the most sublime is seeking of creativity through knowledge
and arts. Although, it is obvious individuals should not be made
to suffer because of sexual deprivation.
Finally, I should say that Islamic sexual mores are not something
that demands sexual abstinence or sexual fidelity unconditionally.
In Islam four free women, and unlimited slave girls, are allowed
for the gratification of the sexual urges of the dominant and
wealthy males.[3] Women and even little girls who do not have much
choice, if any choice at all, are used as vessels for procreation
and for the gratification of men without giving that much
consideration to their sexual needs. This Islamic sexual morality
does not care if either the poor and marginalized males did not
find sexual mates for themselves and are left to suffer or seek
sexual transgression against boys or animals. (See also Islam on
the Couch regarding how Islamic sexual ethics is used to mobilize
the youth and prevent their integration within their host
countries).
______________________________
[1] ‘God has promised you rich booty, and has given you this with
all promptness. He has stayed your enemies' hands, so that He may
make your victory a sign to true believers and guide you along a
straight path’ (The Koran, 48:20, p. 512).
[2] This following verse shows that there is a concept of women as
property. Although it is obvious that it is concerned with
justice. It also shows that the subsequent anger about women
choice, which come to characterize the attitude towards women,
were not prevalent at the early stages of Islam. This underline my
point the honour killing is not a part of Islam but it is
engendered by the culture of Islam, which relying on violence for
arbitrating political power struggle.
‘And if any of your wives deserts you to the Unbelievers, and ye
have an accession (by the coming over of a woman from the other
side), then pay to those whose wives have deserted the equivalent
of what they had spent (on their dower). And fear Allah, in Whom
ye believe (The Koran, 060:011).
[3] ‘O Prophet! surely We have made lawful to you your wives whom you have given their dowries, and those whom your right hand possesses out of those whom Allah has given to you as prisoners of war, and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who fled with you; and a believing woman if she gave herself to the Prophet, if the Prophet desired to marry her-- specially for you, not for the (rest of) believers; We know what We have ordained for them concerning their wives and those whom their right hands possess in order that no blame may attach to you; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful’ (The Koran 033.051, 033.050).
Showan Khurshid is the author of : "Knowledge Processing, Creativity and Politics: A Political Theory based on the Evolutionary Theory" which can be purchased from Amazon.