Articles, Comments

Osama's Bounty

by Sher Khan

07 March, 2005

To: The Honorable President of the United States

Mr. President,

Thanks for increasing the bounty amount for Osama Bin Laden. Until recently, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and Osama Bin Laden, both were carrying the same price tag of $25 millions. Mr. Zarqawi worked hard to become a successful terrorist and his contribution to suicide industry will be greatly remembered. His unique beheading technique and the invention of car bomb have set new parameters. Yet he is no more than a novice player compared to Osama. Now, Osama's head will be selling for $50 millions, which would give him a great honor and acknowledgement of his achievement!

Question remains, will $50 million inspire anyone to help finding Osama? Will any bounty hunter dare to roam the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan? Probably-not. The most experienced and ferocious hunter will be beheaded within no time. Even though, an average of 8 to10 calls are received per day, none of them are credible enough to capture Osama. Why this failure? Answer is very simple, those who are protecting Osama, don't care for stinky money. They are not interested in this earthly life because the endless afterlife seems more attractive to them.

So, I have a solution that may not cost more than $2 millions. All we need a little help from Saudi Arabia. There is a gigantic black box in Mecca that attracts any and all Muslims of the world like flies. This black box fell off from Allah's plane a long time ago, Mr. Allah did not survive the crash but the black box landed safely in the middle of the desert. It's the dream of all pious Muslims to live in Mecca and play with this black box. Nevertheless, Saudi Arabia does not believe in immigration system and Muslims of foreign countries do not get citizenship. Mr. Maudidi was a renowned Islamic scholar who spent his whole life writing books about Islam and Mohammad. He had only one desire; he wanted to be buried in the holy land. After his death, his body was taken to Saudi Arabia but he was immediately transported back to his country.

In the light of above facts, Saudi Arabia may offer citizenship to the informer and his family if that leads to a successful capture of Osama. They will also receive free passes to visit the black box until they die. Once the pleasure of afterlife is pledged, we need to give him a little incentive of earthly life. Most likely, a small house, a herd of goats and some camels should be enough. The total expenditure may not exceed $2 millions. In order to send the message to Osama's lieutenants, we need a good marketing strategy. If we pay another $8 millions to Al-Zazeera television, they will happily do the advertising.

Normally, Saudi Arabia would not be co-operating but their theocracy is at stake due to Osama Bin Laden. In a fair election, Osama may get the most of the votes and Saudi authorities are aware of this fact. For the sake of their throne, Saudi King may agree on this unique idea. I am positive that the most loyal deputy of Osama will not be able to resist the temptation.

Mr. President, we still have $40 millions that you need to get rid off. You can always send me a cashier's check for that amount and I can take care of the money. However, there is a second option that you may want to think about. As a matter of fact, I will sacrifice $40 millions if you opt to go for it.

America has successfully scuffled communism over the years but failed to see the danger of Islam. Remember, Mao Tse-tung, the ruthless communist leader of China? I see many similarities between Mao and Mo, the founder of Islam. Mao controlled over a billion people and a billion Muslims follow Mo's ideology. Mao ruled for more than twenty-five years and Mo ruled for almost same amount of time. Yet, Mao is no more than a baby compared to Mo's brutality. When it comes to "freedom", the most sacred word that all Americans cherish has no place in Islam or communism.

Saudi Arabia is spending billions of dollars to spread Islamic empire, an ideology - much more dangerous than communism.  Alas! No one sees the danger; no one wants to encounter this aggression. We need an organized "Anti-Islamic" movement to battle this problem. There are some websites trying to awaken the world but they need support and security. So, my second option is, support those dedicated souls who are fighting for a just cause such as Faithfreedom.org, Vinnomot.com and other Anti-Islamic sites.

Sincerely yours,

A concerned citizen

Sher Khan