Chapter 13

The Satan Voodoos

Every time a Muslim stands for prayer he must recite ‘Nauju Billah Minhas Shaytan ar‑Rajim’, which means, ‘I seek refuge from Satan, the devil’. This litany is compulsory in almost all Islamic acts and rituals. In many cases, these few words accompany the words, `Bismi Allah ar‑Rahman ar‑Rahim` which means, ‘I begin in the name of Allah, the most compassionate, the most merciful’. Muslims never contemplate why they must mention the name of Satan whenever they recite the name of Allah. Why must they seek refuge from Satan whenever they seek Allah’s bounty? This non‑stop repetition of Satan’s association with Allah really means that Allah, after all, is not a good protector of His ardent devotees. The most important message in the Qur’an is that Allah is in charge of Muslims, and Satan is in charge of non‑Muslims. Since Allah has declared a permanent war on Satan, it logically it follows, that the Islamic world is at permanent war with the un‑Islamic world, the world of Satan. There cannot be any negotiation with the non‑Muslims, since it means negotiating with the Satan, which Allah has forbidden. In this episode we shall explore a few fascinating features of Islamic Satan. This will help us to understand why the jihadist/Islamist killers do what they do. They simply follow Allah’s dictum (9:5): 'fight Satan (that is the non‑Muslims) anywhere you find him.

Islamic Satan is Illusive: It Has Several Identities

In Islam, Satan is a mysterious, contradictory, convoluted entity. In the Hebrew Bible, such as in the Book of Job, Satan (aka Devil) is seen as an angel and an adversary of God. He rebelled against God and speaking through the serpent, he seduced Eve into disobeying God's command. His goal is to lead people astray from the path of God. In Islamic thought, Allah instructed all his angels to prostrate before the newly‑created Adam: all the angels, except Satan. The Qur'an also narrates this scenario, except that the Qur'an provides the reason why Satan did what he did. According to the Qur'an, Satan was actually a jinn, who used to keep company with the angels. Satan was proud of his jinn background, and so he declined to bow down to lowly Adam.

This would have been quite cognisant had Allah been consistent with the identity of Satan. Let us see how Allah misleads us vis-à-vis His Islamic Satan.

Verse 18:50 of the Qur'an mentions Allah’s command to the angels to prostrate before Adam. In this verse we learn that Islamic Satan’s name is Iblis. To clarify, ibn Kathir writes that before Iblis under took the path of sin, Iblis was with the angels and was called `Azazil.' He was among the residents of the earth and was one of the most active worshippers and knowledgeable persons among the angels.

Ibn Kathir confuses us. We learn from the Qur'an that Satan (in this case, Iblis) lived in Islamic Paradise, and that Azazil is the Islamic angel of death. Ibn Kathir probably understood correctly Allah’s intelligence, so he clarifies further by saying that when Allah commanded the angels to prostrate before Adam, Iblis was included in this command. Although Iblis was not an angel, he was trying and pretending to imitate the angels' behaviour and deeds, and this was why he was also included in the command to the angels to prostrate before Adam.

In verse 18:50 Allah instructs the Muslims not to follow the progeny of Satan. This means Satan (Iblis) has many children. To confirm this, Ghazali (p.3.43) writes that Allah proclaimed that for each child born to a human being a child is also born for the devil.

Ash Shifa (p.343) writes that Iblis is the father of jinns; he was the leader of angels.

How is this possible—the father of the jinns becoming the leader of the angels?

In verse 81:25 Allah says that Muhammad's words are not the words of an evil spirit. Jalayn says this evil spirit means Satan. This implies that Satan is a spirit. To confuse us further ibn Abbas writes that the name of Satan is al‑Marmi.

There are Many Islamic Satans: Everyone Has One Satan

We already noted that Satan has many children. The Qur'an further confirms this in verse 26:210. In this verse Allah says that the Qur’an is not from Satans. Please note that previously, in verse 81:25 Allah claimed that the Qur'an is not the words of an evil spirit.

Allah says in verse 19:83 that He has unleashed many devils to stir up (confuse) the disbelievers

In an interesting hadis, Sahih Muslim (39.6759) tells us that every person has a devil attached with him. Even Aisha, Muhammad’s most favourite child‑wife, had a devil attached with her. But, Muhammad claimed that Allah had contained the devil (Satan) the devil attached with him (Muhammad).

Ash Shifa (p.296) writes that everyone has a jinn and an angel as his companions. To confirm this, Ash Shifa quotes the following hadis:

’Abdullah ibn Mas’ud said that the Messenger of Allah said, “Everyone of you is given a companion from the jinn and a companion from the angels.” They asked, “You as well, Messenger of Allah?” he said, “Me as well, but Allah has helped me against him and he has given up.”

Satan Befriends the Wealthy People

Islamic Satan is a friend of the wealthy, influential people. In verse 4:38 of the Qur'an we read that those who spend lavishly to show off, but have no faith in Allah, takes Satan as their friend.

Further, Allah says in verse 17:64 that Satan's promises are nothing but deceit. Allah allowed Satan to befool mankind through his voice in the form of music, songs, and idle‑talks. Allah also permitted Satan to tempt the weak believers to earn wealth and money through illicit means. Many Islamist scholars say that this verse bans music and song for Muslims, as Music and songs are the forte of Satan.

Ibn Kathir explains this verse in this manner:

Allah caused Shaytan to take a share of wealth and children by making them Magians, Jews and Christians, and making them follow any religion other than Islam, and by making them give a part of their wealth to the Shaytan.

In Sunan Abu Dawud (2.14.2550) we read that the bell is a musical instrument of Satan. Since Christians use bells in their churches, this means the Christians are the followers of Satan’s music. By the way, the Christian world is much wealthier than the Islamic world. This also proves that the Satan helps the rich.

Satan Supplies Wine in Islamic Paradise

Allah says in verse 5:90 that intoxicants (wine and spirits), stones (i.e., stone/idol worshipping), and gambling are Satan's handiwork.

In verse 47:15 and 83:25 Allah promises Muslims that they will be in gardens with rivers of incorruptible water, rivers of milk, rivers of wine, rivers of honey

But non‑Muslims will dwell in fire, they will drink boiling water which will tear their intestines.

This means Allah will appoint Satan to supply wine to the Muslims residing in Islamic Paradise.

While Satan takes care of wine for Muslims, Allah will punish the non‑Muslims.

 

 

Non‑Muslims are Friends of Satan

We already saw Satan helps the wealthy people, the non‑Muslims. This means there are only two worlds—the world of Allah or the world of Islam, and the world of Satan or the world of non‑Muslims.

This is exactly what Allah says in verse 4:76. Believers fight for Allah, unbelievers fight for evil, so fight against the friends of Satan. This verse literally divides the world into two

camps—the world of Islam and the world of Satan or Kufr; i.e., Dar-al-Islam and Dar-al-Harb or Satan.

In verse 6:121 Allah clarifies further that Muhammad receives Allah’s revelations; Satan’s friends receive Satan’s revelations. Let us read ibn Kathir explanation of this verse:

There are two types of revelation, one from Allah and one from the devil. Allah's revelation came to Muhammad, while the Satan’s revelation comes to his friends.

In verse 6:125 Allah says He gives authority to whom He wills. Jalalyn’s explanation of this verse is that Allah gives authority to Satan over those who do not believe. This means Allah has a compact with Satan to handover non‑Muslims to him (Satan).

Satan is more Powerful than Allah

This might sound ridiculous. But if we were to trust Allah’s words, this is precisely what Allah says.

In verse 16:98 Allah says that while reciting the Qur’an seek protection from Satan.

Ibn Kathir explains this verse in this manner:

The reason for seeking refuge with Allah before reading is that the reader should not get confused or mixed up, and that the Shaytan would not confuse him or stop him from thinking about and pondering over the meaning of what he reads. Hence the majority of scholars said that refuge should be sought with Allah before starting to read.

In verse 16:99 Allah says that Satan has no power over the believers, whereas in verse 16:100 Allah maintains that Satan has power over those who are his (Satan’s) friends. Funny, but it appears that all Powerful Allah is powerless to stop Satan from recruiting his followers. So Satan conducts Satanic Jihad, and Allah conducts Islamic Jihad.

Since non‑Muslims (the followers of Satan) are in majority and more powerful, it means Satan (or Satanic Jihad) is indeed more powerful than Allah (or Islamic Jihad).

Allah revealed verse 3:155 in connection with the Muslim’s defeat in the battle of Uhud in the hands of the followers of Satan. Allah candidly admits that Satan caused the defeat of the Muslims in this battle. Therefore, at times, Satan is militarily more powerful than Allah.

Satan Farts at Allah’s Prayer Call

Satan farts at Allah’s prayer call

Allah is truly toothless in the face of Satan’s deliberate attempt to humiliate Him. According to Allah, the sweetest music in the universe is the Muezzin’s call for prayer (Azan). When Azan is in the air all Muslims must get ready to offer prayer. Satan, on the contrary, gives a damn to Allah’s prayer. He simply humbles Allah by farting whenever he hears the Islamic Azan. It seems that Allah can do nothing about this chutzpah of Satan.

There are a number of ahadith, which tell us that when Azan is announced Satan farts. Here are few samples:

• When Azan is pronounced, Satan takes to heel and passes wind with noise... (Sahih Bukhari, 1.11.582)
• When Azan is called Satan runs back breaking the wind so that he cannot hear the call, and when the call is over he comes back… (Sahih Muslims, 4.1161)
• When Satan hears the Azan he runs away 36 miles from Medina… (Sahih Muslim, 4.0751)
• When Satan hears Azan, he farts… (Sunaan Nasai, 2.1256)
• When the call to prayer is made Satan retreats, passing wind; when the Azan is finished then Satan comes back… (Malik’s Muwatta, 3.1.6)

Satan Works on You when You Sleep: He Plays with Your Private Parts

Following are the activities of Satan when you sleep:

• Satan urinates in a sleeping man's ears when he does not get up for prayer...(Sahih Bukhari, 2.21.245)
• The devil urinates on the ears of a man who sleeps the whole night till dawn…(Sahih Muslim, 4.1700)
• The devil spends the night in the interior of your nose; so clean your nose after
• sleep…(Sahih Muslim, 2.0462, 0468)
• When anyone of you goes to sleep, the devil ties three knots at the back of his neck…(Sahih Muslim, 4.1702)
• If you have more bed than required, except the bed kept for a guest, then that extra bed is for Satan…(Sahih Muslim, 24.5190)
• Satan is let loose with the sinking of the sun until the darkest part of the night is over…23.4998)
• During sleep Satan plays with your private parts…(Sunaan ibn Majah, 1.337)
• Satan plays with private parts of children…(Mishkat, 1.187)

Satan Swims in Your Body

Keep your mouth shut with your hand because devil enters you when you yawn. (Iraq, Kurdish Parliament in session)

Satan is so powerful that he completely fuses himself in a human body. A hadis in Sahih Bukhari (3.33.251) tells us that Satan reaches everywhere in a human body. Another hadis in Sahih Bukhari (4.54.501) says that Satan circulates in the human mind as blood circulates in it.

It is just incredible, the power of Satan. Why cannot Allah circulate in a human body? Why did Allah empower Satan to accomplish the feat that Allah cannot do? Just imagine, instead of Satan, if only Allah could swim in the blood‑stream of human.

Satan even enters your body when you yawn, so you must refrain from yawning (Sahih Muslim, 42.7132). Why Allah cannot Allah enter the human body?

Here are a few more gems of ahadith about Islamic Satan.
 

• The devil circulates in you like your blood; so do not visit a woman whose husband is away; only Muhammad was safe in this matter…(Sunaan Tirmidhi, 931)
• If you have to yawn then keep your mouth shut with your hand; because devil enters you when you yawn…(Sahih Muslim, 42.7129, 7131)
• When your nails are long devil sits in them….(Ghazali, p.1.131)

Satan Plays with Humans

Satan is quite adept at playing with humans. So where's Mecca?

It is also incredible that Satan is quite adept at playing with human, whereas Allah is incapable of doing so. If only Allah could play with humans—just imagine!

Just think, if only Allah could play with humans like Satan does how good the life would have been.

Here is what we find about Islamic Satan’s game with humans:

• Looking hither and thither during prayer is Satan’s play…(Sahih Bukhari, 1.12.718)
• Satan (devil) plays with pebbles; if you play with pebbles, you play with devil…(Sunaan Nasai, 2.1269)

Ash Shifa (p.296) tells the incredible story that once Muhammad wanted Satan to play with the children of Medina. Here is the hadis:

In the hadith  of Abu’d –Darda’, the Prophet said, “The enemy of Allah, Iblis, came to me brandishing a brand of fire on my face.” The Prophet was doing the prayer and he sought refuge with Allah and cursed Shaytan. He said, “Then I wanted to seize him so he could be shackled and in the morning the children of Medina could play with him.”

Satan Attends Every Childbirth; He Touches Every Infant

Here are a few interesting ahadith on Satan’s power over newly‑born babies. If only Allah had the same power, every child would be a perfect bundle of joy.

• Except for Mary and her son Jesus, all babies cry during their birth, because Satan touches them… (Sahih Bukhari, 4.55.641)
• Whenever a child is born, Satan pricks it; that is why the child cries. Only Mary and Jesus were not pricked by Satan…(Sahih Muslim, 30.5837, 5838)
• Say prayer during sexual intercourse, and Satan will not touch your child…(Sahih Bukhari, 4.54.503)

Satan Eats with You

According to Islam whenever you eat Satan joins you. Satan actually eats with left hand. So anyone eating with his/her left hand is a Satan (Sahih Muslim, 23.5007). Sahih Muslim (23.5006) also says that if you mention the name of Allah while entering a house and while eating a food then Satan will not come near it.

Here are a few ahadith on Satan’s eating with you:

• Satan is present when you are eating food; if you drop your mouthful of food then do not leave it for the Satan to eat it; remove the filth and then eat the food…(Sahih Muslim, 23.5046, 5049)
• Perform eating and drinking with the right hand; Satan eats with left hand…(Sunaan ibn Majah, 4.3266)
• Satan considers that food lawful on which Allah’s name is not mentioned…(Sahih Muslim, 23.5004)

These are Satan’s Favourite Hunting Grounds

Allah has very little idea about the permanent abode of Satan. In a hadis in Sunaan Abu Dawud (1.0184) Muhammad said that the places where camels lie down are the places of Satan; so do not offer prayer there; but places where the sheep lie down are places of blessings; so you can offer prayers at these places. A Tirmidhi hadis (222) says that when you go to the market Iblis follows you. Another Tirmidhi hadis (930) mentions that whenever a man and a woman are alone together Satan visits them.

Ghazali (p.3.39) writes that Allah created women as games for Satan, and Satan lives in markets and bazaars.

In Mishkat (2.39), we read that if you do morning‑marketing then you are following Iblis.

Satan Will Depart when You Do These:

 

All you need to do is pray and prostrate before Allah. This man is obviously confused by the Shaytan

Strangely, getting rid of Islamic Satan is quite simple. All you need to do pray and prostrate before Allah, endlessly.

Here is how you can eschew Satan:

• When the son of Adam falls down in prostration, the Satan goes into seclusion and weeps… (Sahih Muslim, 1.0144)
   
• If Satan intervenes during your prayer then spit three times on your left… (Sahih Muslim, 26.5463)
   
• Spit on your left when you perceive Satan… (Mishkat , 1.46)